Missing Him
by no dang name is available
Summary: Just admit it, you miss him. That's why you stalked the second and third stringers of Rakuzan for days before you found yourself a 'replacement.' That's why you found him. Mayuzumi Chihiro. You subconsciously found an exact replica of your ex. You've got it bad. A small ficlet in which Akashi realizes what he'd done and knows he needs to fix it. Mostly my delusions. Oneshot.


**Author's Note:** In light of current events that are ripping my shipper-heart into shreds. SPOILER WARNING. Chapter 230-whatever-fucking-chapter(s) it was that's slowly killing me. DISCLAIMER: Kuroko no Basuke is owned by Fujimaki Tadatoshi (fucking Shounen-Ai-major-angst-god). Wrote part of this on the plane ride back to California from Boston, MA...

* * *

The red head's eyes fluttered open, and the sight that beheld him was something he would never exchange for another. He didn't think that there would have been a day when he awoke in the morning to see a face other than his own reflection. He didn't think that that would have made him _feel_ as much as he does.

At that moment, time stopped. At that moment, it was just him and the wonderful person next to him. At that moment, Akashi truly felt like he had everything.

It was mornings like this that made him grateful to whatever divine being—God, Buddha, Allah, whomever—for making Kuroko feel the same way toward him. It was mornings like this that made all the pain and uncertainty and nervousness worth it when he finally confessed. It was mornings like this that kept him sane. It was mornings like this that made everything else meaningless.

He didn't know what sort of magic Kuroko had in him, but one thing was for sure, he had a way with the red head that touched him like no other.

Akashi thought that these mornings and the inevitably brilliant days that followed would last for a very long time. He thought that they would never part. He thought that he would accept the teal head for better or worse, he thought that the teal head would accept him no matter what.

But all great things _do_ come to an end. Akashi himself changed, and Kuroko was not the same. And everything just fell apart.

The last straw had been the resignation letter that Kuroko didn't even have the courage to give to him personally. Akashi saw him only for his weakness at that point. There was only disappointment. Or so the red head thought.

For reasons he could not explain, his heart would beat faster every so often whenever the teal head happened to pass by him. There was an evident pain in his chest but he dismissed it as a physical reaction to how much he abhorred the teal head's inability to meet his expectations.

Then there was high school. The throb in his chest cavity grew duller with every minute he spent away from his ex-lover.

Soon he wasn't _consciously_ thinking of the teal head anymore.

But there were little things. Things that couldn't possibly escape the perceptive red head's attention. Things that he told himself he didn't understand but he was really only lying to himself to keep the subject from complicating things.

He tried to tell himself that winning was all he cared about. He tried to pretend that he didn't feel anything anymore.

But a little voice in his head, that grew ever louder as the winter cup drew nearer, thought otherwise.

_Are you ready to accept the truth yet? It's been more than a year since you-know-what happened._

"Shut up," Akashi was in the middle of a shogi session with himself; he wanted to focus.

_You miss him._

Akashi decided to ignore it and opted to stare at his pieces, trying to concentrate on his next move. But the voice was relentless. Persistent.

_You've been missing him. Ever since that day. That's why your heart would beat faster._

_ That's why your chest hurt._

_That's also why you stalked the second and third stringers of Rakuzan for days before you found yourself a 'replacement.'_

Akashi placed the pawn in place. The wooden piece clacked against the board so hard it almost broke on impact.

_That's why you found him. Mayuzumi Chihiro. You subconsciously found an exact replica of your ex. You've got it bad._

"Shut up, you don't know me."

_But I am you_.

No, you're not. You were weak, like _he_ was.

_Just admit it, you miss him. A lot. Hell, **I** miss him. So much that it hurts. You want him back for yourself too. You even compare Mayuzumi to Kuroko, and no matter what you tell yourself, Mayuzumi will **never **replace our Kuroko._

"I am not in the mood to deal with your delusions right now. Stop making me crazy," Akashi hadn't realized that he was literally yelling at himself.

_You're the one with a scissor fetish. I'm not the crazy Akashi here._

He abruptly stood up and walked away from the unfinished shogi match. It was a tie for today.

That had been the last 'conversation' the red head had with himself for the day. He fell asleep at the usual time he always did, and when the real world faded into dust, a fantasy world appeared before him and his dream-self woke up with an empty space beside him.

His dream-hand reached over to feel the sheets and the pillow. They were still warm.

Akashi rolled his dream-body over and his face met with an intoxicating scent. And he knew to whom it belonged to. It could only have been _him_. There was no one else.

His face was flat against the previously empty pillow, and he breathed in the smell like it had been the first breath he had taken in a long time.

Like after years without air he could finally breathe again. But when he realized why the pillow had been empty in the first place, it was like the scent strangled and suffocated him.

He tried to move himself away from the smell but it was no use. His body was paralyzed. Stuck in that state of immobility and excruciating pain, he didn't notice that tears were already flowing freely from his eyes, soaking the pillow.

The real world Akashi woke up with a start, cold beads of sweat ran down his back and he could feel how damp his shirt was. He reached his hand up to his face and found that his cheeks were wet.

Fists clenching his sheets so tight that his knuckles turned white, he knew what was coming next.

_You can't lie to yourself much longer. You've got to accept it some time. Otherwise you'll regret it forever. _

_Your chance is coming up soon with the winter cup so close. I hope you understand what you have to do. If you don't want to do it for my sake, that's all right, but for your sake, I'm begging you, don't mess this chance up. _

_I'm counting on you._

_And in return, I will stop bothering you. I'll be gone forever, like you always wanted. Just fix things between you and him._

"Shut up..." Akashi whispered to himself, "I know already."

* * *

Mayuzumi Chihiro always had a low presence. His teachers would sometimes miss his name on the roll call sheet, or, if they call his name out, they would fail to hear or see him seated right in front of them. He figured that it was because he had no personality.

He had no friends either. Everyone just didn't see him.

Sure, he got into basketball. Even in middle school he was part of the team. But he was never a starter, he barely even appeared in games. So when high school came, his counselor advised him to continue with basketball to add an extra curricular activity to his transcript. Shortly after the counselor forgot his name and what they'd been talking about in the first place.

Not knowing what else to do with his life, he followed the advice and tried out for the Rakuzan basketball club during his freshman year. He worked his way up those strings and tried hard to be noticed by the coaches. By the end of his second year, he was already at the second string, and he hoped that by the time third year started, he would have made it into the first string.

When news got out that a newly recruited freshman not only was automatically placed into the first string, but also appointed captain of the Rakuzan team, Mayuzumi was beyond angry.

He had nothing else. Basketball was his everything. He worked for his spot. For two years he worked hard for his spot. He deserved to be in the first string. But Rakuzan didn't think he was good enough.

Soon after hearing of the news, he did his fair share of research, out of spite, on the red headed freshman. He found out that he was from that monstrous Generation of Miracles, he found out that he came from a prestigious middle school known for their unbeatable record in basketball championships. Basically, he found out all about why Akashi Seijuurou was better than he was—better than he will ever be.

He was just about ready to give up on the sport. _God, I can't even be good enough for just this one thing. __Perhaps I'm not meant to do anything in life._ Such thoughts plagued him endlessly. Even to the point where he became near-suicidal.

His sock-covered toes were leaning over the edge of the building, arms gripping the rails behind him. The wind taunted him. Dared him. Urged him. One arm slowly unhooked itself from the rail as the other tensed with the extra weight it had to pull.

Just as he was about to let go of his other arm when a sharp and cold voice from behind stopped him.

"I do not particularly care if you take your life," the smooth voice said, "But it would be rather troublesome to clean the blood afterwards. That and, since I'm the only person on the roof at the moment, I might be investigated by the police."

Startled, his arm that already let go, instinctively latched onto the rails again to prevent himself from falling.

"See, even your body is instinctively telling you not to do it."

"What do you know?" his voice was quivering, and he knew it. It was humiliating to be seen at such a weak moment, especially by the person he hated the most.

"I know who you are, Mayuzumi Chihiro... senpai," his tone was almost mocking.

"You don't know how I feel."

"... It's probably something idiotic like, 'I've worked hard for my spot, but this brat comes out of nowhere and not only takes my spot on the first string, but also becomes captain. If I'm not good enough to do basketball, I can't do anything else,' Correct?" The red head tilted his head to the side, a smirk grazing his lips.

"..."

"If you were resolute with your decisions, and if you were strong enough, you would follow through your choices. Even in matters like suicide. But apparently you're too weak."

"You just came out of nowhere and stopped me."

"I never said 'don't do it,' _senpai_," Akashi's lips widened into a sickly sweet smile, "I just said that it would cause quite a bit of trouble for the school and for me. If you really want to do it, could you perhaps wait until after I've left so that I wouldn't be a witness?"

At that point, Mayuzumi was shaking in fury. He wanted to punch the arrogant bastard's face. Before he knew it, his legs were swinging back over the rails and he was stomping toward the smug asshole. His fists gripped the other's collar and brought the smiling face close to his own seething one.

"I have a proposition for you," Akashi said before he was slugged in the face.

"What the hell do you want from me?"

"I can put you in the first string, but only if you listen to me and follow my every word."

"... I don't understand."

"I assumed you wouldn't," Akashi sighed and placed his hands on the other's tightly clenched ones, "I'll explain. Please let go of my clothes. The dry cleaner's don't like it when I give them ruined uniforms."

Slowly, Mayuzumi let go. Akashi fixed his uniform and straightened out his already perfect posture to look at the other directly in the eyes.

"Have you heard about Teikou's phantom sixth member?..."

And it all went down hill from there.

* * *

Kuroko stared in shock at the red head who practically ripped his heart out and trampled it. _Why? Why are you doing this? _

"I'm disappointed in you, Tetsuya."

Kuroko swore he heard something shatter within his chest. _It hurts._

"...Mayuzumi Chihiro." A name he'd never even heard before. But it caused so much pain. The blank, expressionless face sent shivers down Kuroko's spine. _Is that what would have happened to me had I been perfected?_

Akashi stared at Kuroko and gave him a sardonic smile. _What in the hell are you doing? I thought you were fixing things? How is this fixing things? _The voice inside Akashi's head was fuming.

_You'll see._ He answered back.

* * *

**Author's Note 2**: Would you believe me if I said I wasn't planning on writing so much angst? LOL. I swear I originally envisioned this as fluff... but I guess it's hard to escape the angst. So because I can't escape the angst, and because this would be incredibly difficult to turn into fluff, I'm just gonna add crack at the end. Fair enough? Oh and WARNING shameless advertisement below:

Please read and review my fic Parallels, update will be soon because I have a week off from school coming up after this week :D I hope you enjoyed this one, stay a little while longer for the crack to come soon after this note. And as always, read and review, me wants to know what you thinks :)

* * *

CRACK! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

"He looks oddly familiar, doesn't he?" Koganei whispered to Riko.

"Yeah... Kind of like..." she trailed off and shook her head, "We should be worried about what to do next, not about who this kid looks like."

"True... but I'm really bothered... who is it that he looks like so much?" Koganei muttered under his breath.

In the stands, Aomine nudged Momoi and pointed at the grey haired teen about to enter the game, "Hey, doesn't he look like someone we know?"

"Hm?" she looked in the direction the bluenette was pointing at, "... Now that you mention it, he does have a resemblance to someone. I just don't know who..."

Kise, sitting with his team in the stands, placed a hand under his chin and rubbed it in thought, "Huh, that guy sort of looks familiar..."

Elsewhere in the stands, Midorima pushed up his glasses with taped fingers and thought to himself, _I wonder where I've seen that guy before._

Over at Yosen's section, Murasakibara munched on his favorite flavored potato chip and leaned over toward Himuro, "Ne, Muro-chin, do I know that person?"

Sweatdropping, the older teen smiled, "I don't know how I would know that, Atsushi."

"... Ah, gomen gomen. It's just Muro-chin knows so much more than I do, I thought you'd know this too. But that guy looks like someone I know."

Himuro only nodded, noting that there really was something that seemed familiar about the guy.

Back on the court, Kuroko had just been subbed out and was sitting on the bench, eyeing the grey haired teen.

"He looks like someone I know," He mumbled to himself. Then as he watched the grey haired teen play, he noticed how similar they were to each other. Slightly irked, Kuroko gripped his shorts and fumed silently.

When the misdirection became evident to everyone on the court and to some people in the stands, Kuroko sat stock-still, unable to move.

"What the?" Riko stopped herself from cursing.

Akashi walked over to Kuroko and smiled at him, "Do you recognize him now?"

"Akashi-kun..." Kuroko stood up and walked toward him. When he got close enough, he slapped him on the face, hard. Hard enough to leave a red hand imprint on the other's cheek.

"You cheated on me?" At this, Akashi blinked.

"Wait. What?"

"You go off to Kyoto, leave me behind to go to some prestigious high school, and you _cheat _on me?"

"... In case you forgot, Tetsuya, we broke up."

"... So you replaced me with someone who, first of all, looks exactly like me, and second of all, plays the same playing style that you taught me? How could you, Akashi-kun? I thought I was special to you," the teal head was on the verge of tears.

"W-wait, T-Tetsuya, don't cry, I swear I didn't cheat on you. Heavens no. That's disgusting. Do you really not recognize him?" Akashi placed a hand on the shorter one's shoulder to calm him down.

"Am I supposed to?"

"Remember that one night we were joking around and saying what if we made a child? And then we tried to make a child afterwards," Akashi coughed to hide his embarrassment for implying that they had sex out loud.

Akashi wanted to face palm, cameras and microphones were surely on them right at this moment, meaning everyone in the stadium, as well as anyone watching the live broadcast on television can see and hear exactly what was going on.

Kuroko blushed and remembered, "Y-yeah... but..." Then something clicked. Looking away from the red head and to the grey haired teen panting on the court, his eyes widened in realization.

"That's... our... son? But... why? How? I didn't... give birth to him?" Kuroko was beyond confused.

"Science, Tetsuya, Science." Akashi answered vaguely.

"But how is he _this _old already. Or rather, how is he _older _than us?" Kuroko didn't know what was going on anymore.

"Do not question it. Chihiro, come here, I need to introduce you to your Mama," Akashi beckoned for the grey haired teen to come over.

When he drew closer and practically towered over both of his 'parents' Akashi patted him on the back and urged him to go to Kuroko. But he shook his head profusely and hid behind the red head, hands gripping the back of Akashi's jersey.

"No? But he's your mother. Look, go ahead and say hi, Mama and Papa were in a bit of a fight, and because of that I couldn't bring you up with him, but I guess now that the truth's out... go ahead Chihiro. Don't be scared."

Slowly, the taller teen walked over to Kuroko, his lips were trembling, eyes watering, and his whole body was shaking, "M-mama?"

"C-Chihiro?" Kuroko tested out the name on his tongue, it rolled out smoother than he expected. The taller one brightened up instantly and pulled the smaller teen into a bone-crushing hug.

"Mama!"

"Good job Chihiro," Akashi reached over to ruffle the teen's hair.

"Mama," Chihiro said seriously when he pulled away, "No more fight with Papa, okay? Come Kyoto with us. Chihiro lonely without Mama."

Kuroko's eyes softened at the words and he reached up to pat the other's head, "I'm sorry, Chihiro-kun, Mama can't live with you for the time being. Mama has to finish high school at Seirin. But I promise I'll come to visit every week."

Pouting, Mayuzumi nodded nevertheless and returned over to Akashi. "Promise no more fight?"

"..." Kuroko looked at Akashi and smiled, "Promise."

Akashi smiled back and nodded and mouthed, "I'm sorry for everything. I love you."

Kuroko shook his head, "I'm sorry too. I love you," he mouthed back.

* * *

Hayama Kotarou awoke from his dream with a start in the morning before the finals match against Seirin. "What the hell did I just dream about?"

Then he paused and gave it sincere thought, _Well, I guess that would explain why Mayuzumi doesn't speak much. I mean, if he's technically only two or three years old, it's understandable why he would never respond to me, or anyone else other than Akashi-captain for that matter._

_Still, what a weird ass dream. _

_I mean, I know that Akashi-captain and that weird shadow kid have the hots for each other, but sheesh. For their sexual tension to make it into my dreams as well... they need to get themselves a room fast. _

_It might kill everyone in the stadium later on at the finals match._

* * *

**Author's Last Note**: haha, I do this note thing too often. But seriously, what the fuck did I just write?


End file.
